my life as a artist
motion on motion
Thursday 28th February 2008 10:29 PM
Steve La Rive comments that he thinks a Thetford 365, with its 'real flushing action', could be the answer to my Porta Potti shame. I went to the website to check it out, and was greeted with a fabulous picture of seven shiny Porta Potties, grouped in a semi-circle with their lids open, looking like a clutch of baby Daleks waiting to be fed. It was a cheery sight to see sanitary products looking so happy and relaxed, and yet so vulnerable and open at the same time.
At the moment I'm using a Thetford 165, and although it's only available in one non-colour, grey, and doesn't have a real flushing action, it does have a generous 21 litre capacity waste tank, and an integrated swivelling pour-out spout and pressure release button, to ensure splash-free plop-emptying.
Obviously, I'd like the kudos, and the real flushing action, that comes with a Thetford 365, but I'm a bit worried about being caught on an endless wheel of desire. I believe that in the past, many of mankind's noblest enterprises have been abandoned in the overrated search for improved toilet facilities.
Consider for a moment,(or if you've got more time and dedication, fast for three days and meditate on it, but gently, and with no thought of outcome or reward), Fran Franne, the slaughterman, who used to live in the caravan opposite. He had a small, dull, monochrome Thetford 345, with a measly 12 litre capacity waste tank, and yet seemed spiritually fulfilled, enjoyed a great social life, and once had trials for Sheffield Wednesday.
Where will this illusory search for improved toilet facilities end? I notice in one of my mums Hello magazines that predictably, Bono, Madonna, Sting, Jordan and Gordon, (Ramsey the chef, that is, soon to ascend to single-name star status), all use a top-of-the-range, granite-finish Thetford 465, with electric flush, and yet none of them, to my mind, have half the likeability of Fran, despite his endless slaughter of cute-faced animals.
There's a fine line between sanitary and sanitised, and to me, the Thetford 465 is indicative of the rising tide of soullessness that is swamping the modern age. I suspect that Bono, Madonna, Sting, Jordan and Gordon don't even empty their 465's themselves, but have low-paid staff to do it for them. Not only are Jordan, Gordon, Boredom, Stink and Nobbo missing out on the unfolding mystery of the integrated swivelling pour-out spout and pressure release button, but they'll also never know the deep catharsis that comes from splash-free plop-emptying.
Although during the day-time, my waking mind is engaged in constant battle with the demons of temptation, at night, the sword of my discerning intellect is scabbarded in sleep, and I'm defenceless. I keep having this recurring dream that I'm the owner of a brand new, granite-finish Thetford 465, with electric flush, and it's in the shed next to the old 165. In the dream, there's hundreds of monochrome Thetford 345's, with their measly, one-night-on-the-piss-and-it's-full, 12 litre capacity waste-tanks, gathered round the shed, and it's as though they're waiting for me to do my business on the 465. Despite the pressure to perform, I manage to pass a well-formed Rory, and after using the electric flush, I go outside to meet the throng, and one of Thetford 345's at the back opens its lid and shouts 'Judas!'
So Steve, thanks for the sanitary tip, and giving me the spur to investigate the incredible and varied world of Porta Pottiland, and also for giving me the opportunity to engage in scatological discourse, and talk crap.
Comments
This was amusing but is not enough to keep me happy for a week. What am I going to read on the loo? Your readers need more blogs. I'll even settle for football at this stage (and the validation word is paper, nuff said)
Posted by hippy in the horn , on Friday 7th March 2008, 5:56 PM
I hear you may be moving upmarket toiletwise ! Maybe then a blog on the joys of hot showers and flushing toilets.
Anyway - have to go now to use my soft-closing, heated seat with silent flush and AAW (Automatic Arse Wipe)that uses fresh puppy fur.
Posted by Lord Posh-Jobbie , on Thursday 6th March 2008, 1:41 PM
You used to talk about poo when you were 17. I'm glad to see you haven't grown out of it.
Posted by Les Miserable , on Saturday 1st March 2008, 3:25 PM
We need to talk! x
Posted by stevelarive. , on Friday 29th February 2008, 10:15 PM
Forget the Rolls Royce of Thetford sanitary ware, go around to your mates houses and use their crappers. I know you've got mates, I saw one once, so no excuses.
Posted by John (aka Jono aka Jonault) , on Friday 29th February 2008, 8:28 PM
Fascinating stuff Rory. I think the solution in your case could be a second storage container (see website).
Yours in celestial light and feculance of all description
BrYn
XX
Posted by bryn davies , on Friday 29th February 2008, 7:19 PM
Thomas Paine came from Thetford. I wonder if there could be a connection? 'These are the times that try men's souls' he said.
Ah, souls...
Posted by Another Steve (not the one in the story) , on Friday 29th February 2008, 6:47 PM
Add Comment
