my life as a artist
Lily got the two cheese straws
Saturday 11th August 2007 12:26 AM
There's a festival going on in the capital city of Scotland at the moment. As someone who's performed there, I feel it's unlucky to mention it by name. I prefer to call it 'The Scottish Festival', or 'Fear of Las Vegas in Lothian'
The fringe, by its name, suggests the edge of things, the strange and undiscovered, the unusual and surprising, a place where one can chance upon unearthed treasures and enjoy the innocence of the new. (£37:50 to see Ricky Gervais at the Assembly rooms anyone?)
York, meanwhile, goes for underkill. In May 'we' had the York literature festival. As one of the leading literary figures in my caravan park, I rang up the organiser to see if there was any work going, but she said they only had a budget of twenty pounds, which they were using to print leaflets, recommending every York citizen to read a book, and if we all did it at the same time, it'd be a sort of festival.
Yesterday morning I met Jimmy and Molly for the first time. They're near neighbours, and I've seen them around, but never really talked to them. I was telling Jimmy about Naom Chomsky's theory of oppressive tolerance when Molly started licking my toes. Jimmy and Molly are a very attractive couple, and I felt flattered by her show of affection, so as some sort of response, I started stroking her neck. Jimmy, who seemed to be quite a laid back sort of character, was so relaxed about the whole affair, that he just defecated, there and then.
In the afternoon Tom came round with his three daughters, Daisy, Betty and Lily. The girls wanted to take a closer look at the new calf with his mother, so we went over to the field edge, closest to where they were. A few of the old English bantams gathered round, and when I saw Jimmy the donkey and Molly the Shetland pony walking over, I knew what I had to do.
As quick as a really quick thing, before you had a chance to say Anne Robinson, I'd organised The Heslington Really Cute Animal Festival. The girls had a great time fetching sheaves of fresh grass for the acts, while me and Tom sat drinking tea, soaking in the atmosphere of one of Europe's premier really cute animal festivals.
As far as I was concerned, it was a free festival, but Tom and the girls insisted on paying, so after some delicate negotiations, we came to an agreement, and they gave me a packet of multigrain cheese and onion hula hoops and a hard peach.
Next time I want the Heslington Really Cute Animal Festival to be bigger and better, more cutting edge and yet more inclusive. I'll do more leafleting and it'll have puppies. If I can persuade the geese to stop hissing like Linda Blair in 'The Exorcist', they can be in it too.
Comments
Farming for <a href=http://www.wowgoldshopping.com>wow gold</a> (world of warcraft gold) isn't easy, but you can buy cheap wow gold, wow power leveling on sale. We have revolutionized the exchange of money to wow gold with fast delivery.
Posted by wow gold , on Saturday 8th December 2007, 7:16 PM
That wasn't a really hard peach. It was a really hard nectarine from the Co-op in Tang Hall.
D, B and L have some super-cute guinea pigs and are standing by for the event listing... Are the Super Furry Animals a definite yet?
Posted by Tom Smith , on Tuesday 14th August 2007, 10:04 PM
who's ricky gervais? i rely on you to keep me up to date with current events back there in blighty
Posted by overseas reader , on Tuesday 14th August 2007, 4:33 PM
Add Comment
