my life as a artist
living in tv times
Tuesday 31st July 2007 2:56 PM
On Saturday night, just as I was getting ready to go out, I turned into a werewolf (again), so I decided to stay in. I thought it must have been the big moon, so I got a few tins of dog food in and watched the telly, until it waned. There wasn't much else I could do. I thought it might be poetic to play a Howling Wolf number on the guitar, but my vicious, hairy claws kept breaking the strings, so I did 'Do the Do' on didgeridoo, instead.
I find it difficult to socialise when I'm a werewolf. I feel self-conscious about my hairy face and big ears, and when I feel people are judging me, I can get quite aggressive, so I think it's best to stay in. When I'm in that state, muesli just doesn't do it for me, not even Alligator's organic deluxe with added walnuts (and it sticks in my fangs), so I eat dog food as a source of safe protein. Between the hours of midnight and 3 a.m. the telly is a great source of vicarious violence, and I find it useful for engaging my lycanthropic urges until they abate.
Last night I watched a fascinating documentary about an illegal immigrant from India, living in a small town in the United States, where all the inhabitants have four fingers, and are, for the most part, yellow. As the manager of the local Quickie Mart, his sense of cultural dislocation was expressed delightfully. 'Who needs the infinite compassion of Ganesh, when I can have the cold, staring, dead eyes of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman?'
It might appear from this blog that I spend a lot of time watching television, which is not really true. The only programmes I deliberately tune into are The Simpsons and Match of the Day. If I'm a werewolf or feeling uninspired, ill or simply brain-dead, then I might do a bit of late-night channel-surfing. It's as though the planet is a drowning man, and the telly is his life flashing before his inner eye.
The best description of the telly that I've ever heard is from Romeo and Juliet (I think). 'What light through yonder window breaks? It speaks yet says nothing.'
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Posted by watch replica , on Saturday 8th December 2007, 7:16 PM
Oh, very good!
I find South Park much funnier (than the Simpsons, not your blog - which is extremely funny).
Posted by Steve , on Tuesday 31st July 2007, 8:41 PM
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