my life as a artist
I just dont know
Thursday 19th July 2007 2:35 PM
'The world is not only stranger than we think, it's stranger than we can think.'
These wise words, although uttered by the disgraced football pundit, Ron Atkinson, whilst commenting on Carlton Palmer's inclusion in the 1992 England world cup squad, have a wider resonance outside the increasingly tawdry world of football.
Socrates, the sublime Greek philosopher and Brazilian mid-fielder, said that the only thing he knew for certain was that he didn't know anything. If only Vladimir Mugabe, George Putin and their like, could display such wise humility!
If I was to say that I thought Tony Mugabe was a bad-tempered know-all, and that Kim Jong Bush was a bit of a clever-arse, many of you would be justifiably shocked by my judgemental attitude. The fact is, I don't know any of these things for certain, I'm just guessing. The difference between me and those 'bad' people that I mentioned, is that I don't mind if you disagree with me.
Sometimes people leave comments on my blog, pointing out what they consider to be errors, and on only one occasion have I carpet-bombed their village. As they weep and wail in the pitiful, honey-stoned rubble of their self-incurred desolation, residents of the once beautiful village of Newton Kyme will now think twice before they question my memories of Stingray and Supercar.
Routine atrocities aside, I feel that many of these world leaders need to develop new hobbies and interests. Non-stop, ruthless power-mongering, to the exclusion of any other activity, can make one a very dull boy indeed. Imagine the effects on the slapped-arse face of President Putin, of a vigorous game of swing-ball, or three-and-in (samovars for goalposts). It would give hope to thousands, to see a rosy glow, red as a Grozny apple, suffusing the deathly sunken waste-land of his pinched and sallow cheeks.
Running around and letting off a bit of steam, while good for the cardio-vascular system and releasing endorphins, doesn't in itself address the chronic narrowness of vision that afflicts most tyrants, so pastimes that involve some sort of intellectual struggle are to be encouraged. President Bush, for instance, whose bullying stems from feelings of inadequacy and lack of self-worth, could benefit enormously from colouring in crosswords.
In a sick world, maimed by the crippling dogma of fundamentalism and Toyah Wilcox, it's time for all good people to stand up, and with one voice, shout, 'It's a mystery!'
After all, as Gary Lineker once said on Match of the Day, 'Our knowledge of the universe is equivalent to that of a dog in a library'
Comments
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Posted by air compressor , on Saturday 8th December 2007, 7:16 PM
Did you have help from your friends when you bombed me? This would be allied carpet bombing.
Posted by Les Miserable , on Sunday 22nd July 2007, 10:22 PM
Did you have help from your friends when you bombed me? This would be allied carpet bombing.
Posted by Les Miserable , on Sunday 22nd July 2007, 10:20 PM
Bastard, and we'd just bought our new carpet. I have trained my anti-caravan missiles on you now.
Posted by Les Miserable , on Friday 20th July 2007, 4:18 PM
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