my life as a artist
they say its your birthday
Sunday 27th May 2007 2:26 PM
Yesterday was my nephew Simon's birthday. It was also Bob Dylan's, and apparently, the Buddha's. Bob Dylan was sixty-six, my nephew was, I think, twenty two, and I'm not sure about the Buddha, but if I had to make a guess, I'd say he was one.
Through conscious suffering and infinite compassion the Buddha is beyond desire, so it's always difficult to know what to get him for his birthday. His main interest is meditation, so last year I got him a meditating monk doll, a sort of non-action man, which he played with quite a lot. The non-action man was such a success, that this year I bought him some non-attachments for it.
My nephew, Simon, sings and plays guitar better than me, is better at football, is young and handsome and has sex with attractive young women, so I didn't get him anything for his birthday. Why should I? He wouldn't play with it.
As for Bob, I didn't get him anything either, but it wasn't a naked jealousy thing. He sings and plays guitar better than me, could have sex with attractive young women if he wanted to, but I think I'm a better footballer than him. ( I'm not being arrogant here, but I was top scorer for Totnes Dodo's, I am the special one) Bob hasn't been steeped in the culture of football, and even if he did have any skills, he's bound to have lost a lot of pace by now. Bob could never know the glory of scoring the winning goal against Alne Arthritic, so it's not jealousy.
The fact is, the last time we met, he blanked me. It was in the Wembley arena in 1975 and he was wearing a white suit and a white hat and looked as though he'd taken white drugs. I was on the third row, and I caught his eye and smiled at him, but he just looked at me, as if to say 'Who are you?'
When someone does that to you, in front of ten thousand people, it's really humiliating. I know he was under a lot of pressure that evening, but at the end of the day, good manners cost nothing. He can find me on Google if he wants to apologise, and we'll say no more about it.
I realise upon re-reading this blog that I've told out and out lies, exhibited small-mindedness and petty jealousy, been guilty of delusional self-aggrandisement and been cowardly disrespectful towards a major religion that I know won't hit back, and yet oddly, I've quite enjoyed writing it.
Happy Birthday everybody!
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Posted by packing machine , on Saturday 8th December 2007, 7:15 PM
No birthday present needed for Bob! He's got everything he needs, he's an artist, he don't look back
great blogging!
Posted by bristol blogger , on Thursday 7th June 2007, 9:11 PM
Well actually his birthday was 24th, but I guess we need to allow you a bit of poetic license. Love and peace from sunny California.....
Posted by Matthew Motion , on Monday 28th May 2007, 3:13 AM
I would love to hear a Bob Dylan song about football. Maybe you could oblige, you do a good Dylan impersonation.
Posted by Les Miserable , on Sunday 27th May 2007, 4:25 PM
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