my life as a artist
mindless minorities
Friday 26th August 2011 11:41 PM
So, a small group of marginalised young tearaways, fuelled by alcohol and an exaggerated sense of their own entitlement, start smashing up other peoples property……some of you already know where I'm going here….. We are of course talking about the Bullingdon Club, a motley assortment of Oxford University students who affiliate for the purposes of piggery and nihilism, and who over the years have trashed various restaurants, smashed car windscreens and done other things that sit uneasily with ambitions of high office. Their anthem, or catch-phrase if you like, is 'Buller, Buller, Buller, Buller, Buller, Buller, We are the famous Bullingdon Club and we don't give a fuck!'
Noted alumni from 1987 include our present prime minister David Cameron, his chancellor George Osborne and the lord mayor of London, Boris Johnson. While already routinely vacuous in their utterances, their previous membership of said club gives an especially hollow ring to their present spoutings on the current riots.
Obviously there are differences between the two sets of malcontent mayhem merchants. The Bullingdon rioters, for instance, if they'd just trashed a restaurant that they might want to go to again, would often leave bundles of cash behind as reparation, whereas this definitely wasn't a feature of this month's late-night shopping shenanigans in London, mainly, according to sociologists, because many of the troublemakers were brought up in family units that didn't have the influence of a fabulously wealthy father.
Also the organisation of the events would have been very different. In 1987 I imagine the Bullingdon boys would have pre-arranged the time and venue of their riotous assembly by the employment of native runners and suchlike, whereas last weeks robbery-with-yobbery-but-no-sign-of-bobbery was apparently arranged on social networking sites like 'Face-mask' and 'Such-like'.
The main difference of course is that many of this month's rioters have been prosecuted, and many of them have also shown remorse, whereas the crimes of the Bullingdon club have barely been acknowledged. When I use the word 'crime' here, I do so deliberately, because I say to you, right honourable members of my blog-community, that smashing other people's property, is, let's make no mistake here, simply 100% complete and utter absolutely pure,unadulterated fun.
Last month the City of Westminster police's "counter terrorist focus desk" made the following statement:
"Anarchism is a political philosophy which considers the state undesirable, unnecessary, and harmful, and instead promotes a stateless society, or anarchy. Any information relating to anarchists should be reported to your local police."
As an anarchist myself this put me in a tricky position. I live in York, and even though the call was from the City of Westminster police, the shocking fact is that if I took a train, I could be in London in less than two hours, for less than the price of a small saloon car. In this endless fictional fight against terrorism it's better to be safe than sorry, and supreme caution must be our bywords, so in the wider interests of national security I've decided that tomorrow I'm going to hand myself in at the police station on the Fulford Road, and come clean with the information I've got on anarchists.
I'm going to explain to the desk-sergeant that as an anarchist I don't think of myself as an agent of discord and that my belief in the possibility of a leaderless state is necessarily based on the premise that kindness and consideration are core elements of human nature. If it's the same desk-sergeant that I reported my last bike-theft to, I suspect that this sort of talk will make him feel a bit uncomfortable, so I'm going to wear my cardboard pyramid hat, and make sure that when I'm talking to him that I align myself on a north/south axis.
The base of this hat is eighteen inches square, and each corner angles at 51 degrees 52 minutes towards the capstone, which is a perfectly aligned octahedral quartz crystal. The main body of the pyramid is covered in a thin layer of sticky-backed cork paper, making it light and fashionable and suitable for any summer occasion. Not only does the hat look great, but the pyramidal shape and the crystal, that help to make it so stylish and comfortable, also help to turn it into a highly efficient orgone generator.
Having an instrument that radiates positive vibrations from the conscious universal energy field can be a real boon when dealing with authority figures, and I'm hoping that not only will the desk-sergeant's organs of spiritual perception be awakened by it, but that at the same time he'll also respect me on a social level for having a really attractive hat.
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