my life as a artist
cinderella rockefeller
Tuesday 1st December 2009 12:37 AM
'I've got flu, babe', was, I recall, a hit for Sunni and Shia in the mid-sixties, and now, over forty years later, those mis-heard lyrics seem truly prophetic, for indeed, I have been gripped by 'la grippe'. Enwreathed by this foul, groggy fog of flu, my mind has become a useless vessel, a boat without cargo, floundering in a shoreless sea of mucus. Meanwhile, my body is an abandoned village, submerged under a reservoir of snot, and when I cough they say you can hear the church bells playing Tom Waites tunes.
The staccato rattle of my hacking cough lays down a spiky beat, then the T.B. chest bass slaps in, the slow, rhythmic gurgle of its bubbling phlegm anchoring the chunky plotted discord of wild, fuzz-boxed, electric catarrh. This unwelcome symphony drowns out all possibilities of quiet creativity, and so alas, dear reader, I must to bed.
Before I do, while I'm on the subject of ill-health, does anyone know of a way to get rid of a gum/tooth abscess without recourse to the slash and burn tactics of antibiotics? I've been keeping it at bay for three weeks by nightly applications of a turmeric/water paste shoved down between cheek and gum, but have as yet failed to get rid of it. Many parts of my body, clothes and kitchen are now bright yellow, and although it's a bright, cheery colour, sometimes it's inappropriate.
Re-reading this blog, I realise I've painted a sorry picture of a sad and sickly man, made deeply unattractive and partly yellow by the repugnant symptoms and treatments of his multiple maladies, which is a shame. You don't need it. You've probably got enough problems of your own, and maybe you logged on to this blog to get some sort of light relief.
So, let it be said, for the spiritual furtherance of all sentient beings, that deep down in my soul, far away from the inevitable world of death, trouble, taxes and Stephen Fry on the telly, I feel terrific.
This is partly due to knowing that in just over three years time, pineal gland willing, I'll be enjoying the freedom of fourth dimensional living, and also partly due to Huddersfield Town getting through to the FA cup third round and getting drawn at home to West Bromwich Albion.
Another reason why my soul is exalted, and also why I haven't gone to bed like I promised in the second paragraph, is that when I was looking for the olbas oil in the medicine cupboard, I came across a large bag of forgotten marijuana. It's old, and even when it was fresh I don't think it was up to very much, but by means of a few broom-handle sized reefers, I've found it's given a sort of vague fluffy consolation and meaning to my illness. It's also made me go on a bit.
In the interests of literary form I was hoping to finish off this blog with a reference to another hit by Sunni and Shia, but I've found they didn't really have one, and rather than drag up obscure references to Esther and Abi Ofarim, I think it's best for all of us if I just go to bed.
Goodnight!
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