my life as a artist
damn vice road
Thursday 8th October 2009 11:04 PM
It's a marvellous morn for car-booting,
Out in Murton we'll get some good buys,
A fantabulous place to find bargains,
'Neath the cover of October skies.
On Sunday morning I went to the car-boot sale in Murton with my Mum, and for a while we were both convinced that one of the stall-holders, in the covered bit, was none other than the great Irish singer, Van Morrison. He was stout, barrel-chested and swathed in Donegal tweed. A big, brown, beaten-up, broad-rimmed hat was trying to shadow his eyes, but they smouldered through, burning up the dry-leaves of the surrounding darkness with their icy Celtic fire. Mum bought some vacuum bags for a Henry off him and I nearly bought a Thunderbirds mug that incorporated a picture of Father Tracy and Virgil standing in front of Thunderbird 2, which if you screwed your eyes up, looked like Gary Lineker and Alan Hanson presenting Match of the Day, but he wouldn't come down on the price.
Mum had a little Casio keyboard with her that she'd just bought that morning, and when she noticed that Van had a cheap Spanish guitar on the stall, she asked him if he fancied a jam, and he said no. The fact that he declined to make music with us cast the first seed of doubt into our minds that he really was Van Morrison. Later on, remembering his strong Brummie accent, we both decided, on reflection, that it probably wasn't him.
Am I craven, odd? Do I 'av cred, man? I'm Don Cadaver, am void dancer, a man divorced, cream and void. Yesterday, while I was in Sainsbury at Jacksons on the Fulford Rd, waiting for the dawn of a new civilisation, I started thinking up anagrams of our future prime minister, Demonic Vadar.
Barring assassination, getting knocked off his bike, or the truth coming out, I'm afraid it's going to happen, and neither the labour party nor brown God can stop it. The satirist part of me quite looks forward to being a parishioner under his pastoral guidance, O damned vicar, Rev. Odd Maniac, while other parts are distinctly less keen. Hold on to your pineal glands, folks, the Caveman Droid cometh.
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