my life as a artist
goals of enlightenment
Friday 22nd May 2009 12:57 AM
It's been a year since I won the highly-coveted York Corinthians Sunday morning-team Golden Boot award for being the season's top scorer. When people pass me in the street they're usually unaware of the honour, unless I happen to be holding it aloft and kissing it in an act of delayed euphoria, which I've done less and less as the seasons gone on, certainly in public.
The trophy itself is a fabulous, gleaming gold and platinum-studded replica football-boot in mid-strike, tastefully mounted on a polished obsidian base, and is fifth only to a picture of Shiva, a turquoise 'dog of Fo', a Staffordshire figure of two lovers and an angel, and a Damien Shirt tin of Crude Genitals and Coriander soup, in pride of place on the high shelf above the caravan's main picture-window.
Denied a Christmas double hat-trick by the Russ Turner X1 deciding to turn up sober, I only managed to score twelve this season, well short of the nineteen scored by our very own Bulldozer-in-Lycra, the Teddy Bear Assassin, the Bull of Dringhouses, Brian, and so this Sunday at the presentations after the match, I expected to have to pass it back for redistribution to it's new deserving owner.
On Saturday night, after Match of the Day, with an involuntary shudder, I took it down from the shelf and put it in my daringly feminine, beige/brown checked sports bag in readiness for the relinquishment, and filled the fifth pride of place spot with a pot enamelled Buddha.
There is some continuity of theme here as, according to the Pali scriptures, the Lord Buddah himself was quite partial to a kick-about (fu ti). Obviously, it was baobab trees for goalposts, but the Canon states that he was an accomplished goalkeeper, or Guardian of the Threshold, and in my mind's eye I have him as a sort of rotund David James character, but with more compassion and mindfulness.
It's said that the left hand of the Buddah is laid flat and open, and symbolises charity and fulfilment of wishes, while the right hand is raised, not only as a gesture of protection and blessing, but also to parry fierce shots at the near post.
The next morning, after the match, it transpired that our club secretary, Medium Nige had, in a unilateral act of extravagant benevolence, decided to buy a new top-scorer's trophy, and as a consequence it seems that I get to keep the old one. 'Forever', said Derek, and because he's a headmaster, I believed him.
In a deliberate act of humility, I've put the trophy back on the shelf in sixth pride of place. It's one down from the Buddah, but it's one up from a Damien Shirt tin of Adorable Kitten's Pineal Glands.
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Posted by tjj , on Sunday 24th May 2009, 10:14 AM
It was the obsidian base that sent a Shiva of covetous desire through me but a quick consultation with I Ching restored my equilibiram to its previously finely tuned state. Validation word is pardon and I humbly seek it for talking bollox in your comment box.
Posted by tjj , on Sunday 24th May 2009, 10:00 AM
Although the footy stuff doesn't give me wood, todays blog has caused me to laugh out loud at several points.
I must admit though, I don't think that I could ever accept a bowl of soup at your palatial caravan no matter how hungry I was.
Posted by John (aka Jonault aka Jono) , on Friday 22nd May 2009, 7:07 PM
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