my life as a artist
tits and balls
Friday 24th April 2009 7:10 PM
Feed the birds, £1.50 a bag, £1.50, £1.50, £1.50 a bag. Dangling fat balls (less sniggering at the back, please) cost 28p each on Broadway, and because the lights are bright, you can see why birds think they're magic in the air. They look a lot like an energy ball, but in place of the organic dark tahini they use condemned rancid pig fat instead, and to be fair there's probably more linseed in them than you'd normally get in your average hippy snack. They come attractively packaged in an easy-dangle, small, green, nylon mesh bag and I hang them off my new-fangled, home-made fat-ball dangler next to the bird table.
The reason I imperil my already shaky vegetarian principles, and pay 28p for the privilege, is because I want to see a wider variety of birds visiting the garden, and indeed, since my investment, my tit-bored table is often brightened by the cheery breast of a fiery robin or the dark under-stated beauty of a bead-eyed blackbird.
I've always thought that the deal was that I put out food for them and they hang around long enough for me to appreciate their outrageous, iridescent beauty, but today I put out a fat-ball and ten minutes later the whole thing had completely disappeared, along with the small, green, easy-dangle nylon mesh bag, and what's more, I didn't see a thing.
I don't mind spending 28p on seeing a fabulous bird of prey swoop off with a little plastic shopping bag, but for it to do it when I'm not there is, in my lightly-held opinion, the height of rudeness. Most birds, in my experience, are capable of being perfectly civilised and only choose to be wild when it suits them.
There are a couple of suspects but obviously I have no proof. There's been a psychedelic pheasant foraging for bird-table over-spill but it looks too ungainly for a controlled fat-ball snatch. A much more likely candidate is a sinister large black bird that I saw earlier trying to take off from the field with a stray golf-ball in its beak. I'm not sure what sort of bird it is, but according to my book it's either a crow, a jackdaw or Death, but whatever it is, it's already shown a callous disregard for other peoples property. I've taken a photo of it and sent it to the R.S.P.B. with an explanatory note and I'm hoping they might refund me the price of a fat-ball or at least offer some sort of apology. After all, good manners cost nothing, whereas fat-balls cost 28p.
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I've got Great Tits.
Posted by Steve , on Wednesday 29th April 2009, 8:02 AM
I was delighted to see a positively identified Tree Sparrow from your window. None of your common House Sparrows in your neighbourhood I'm glad to say.
Could your food thief possibly be a Grey Squirrel?
Posted by John (aka Jonault aka Jono) , on Tuesday 28th April 2009, 8:49 PM
Some dumb bird is probably trying to hatch it out in a distance nest somewhere.
PS: my money's on the magpie.
Posted by tjj , on Sunday 26th April 2009, 2:00 PM
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